I was driving in the back of a pick-up truck on the way to church. We were on the stretch of highway along the coast, and I was looking at the trees that stretch out and canopy the road in some places, and out at the sea, which on hot days reflects light from the top of every wave and ripple. I got this strange feeling that I sometimes get…

I’ll be in the middle of life, and all of a sudden I’ll just step back, suddenly overwhelmed with possiblity. All of a sudden it’ll feel so surreal that with every choice I’m creating my life.

I’m twenty-two years old now, and twenty-two years of my life have been written, never to be changed. The decisions I’ve made, the places I’ve gone, the person I’ve been. It’s there. It’s my life. I guess you could take that in a constricting way, where everything is so permanent and unchanging…

That’s not how it normally strikes me though. Normally it makes me think of the future and I wonder what I’ll write next year, or the year after…what will the story look like in ten years. It doesn’t feel out of my control either, it feels like every possibility is right there at my fingertips and I just have to make a choice, and poof there’s that life. It’s just a matter of what choice to make.

I feel poised to pick up the pen and write the next chapter, but am hesitating for only a moment to consider the possiblities… The only thing that seems to pop into mind is that there is only so much space in one life, I can’t write everything and every opportunity, I have to choose. I feel like I could write anything. It hardly seems possible to know what to write.

In a strange way, this feeling just makes me realize how blessed I am. I am part of the slimmest fraction of people on the planet who can actually debate what their life will be like, from so many options and possibilities—with a little determination, hard work and creativity, nothing seems unachievable. If I was struck with a dream, I don’t think I’d ever feel like, well that’s just not possible. Maybe I’m overly optimistic, but its also about being part of a certain class and culture of people.

I don’t have to dream year after year about going back to school, I just need to fill out some OSAP applications and poof I’m there.

I think of how some people here in South Africa must feel… like someone else is writing their life for them. I’m sure many of them feel like they have no other option than to be exactly where they are, working some lousy job. I think of the women who wake up in this neighborhood at 4 a.m and spend hours finding transportation so they can go clean some white person’s house, only to get home to their family and children after dark. And there is no way out. I think of being in their position and its terrifying and depressing.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel so privileged to have so many possibility before me. I shouldn’t complain that I have no idea what I want to do next…