Archive for May, 2006

A list of sorts.


I feel like it is next to an impossible task to write something that will sum up my time in Africa, but I will have to be satisfied with giving you some highlights and I will be absolutely excited when you run into me and ask for more stories. I’ll bombard you I promise.
Most unsure moment… Leaving Michael and my Dad in the Toronto airport. They handed me my suitcases and I was so nervous I got tangled up and ended up walking backwards passed the first security point. Walking away and leaving all of everything that seemed familiar I began to think, “Why am I here again?” I remember really wanting to go to Africa, and trying to convince everyone under the sun to come with me, but I don’t even remember actually deciding to go. I felt like it was something that just happened to me, which I guess is kind of neat.

First memory in South Africa… I stepped off the plane and met Anne, Ruth and all the kids. I was so nervous, feeling completely unprepared and unqualified. Ruth introduced Mary, Jake, Simon and Siya to me. Siya looked up and said, “Hello Maria.” I remember that moment so clearly, somehow that was exactly what I needed and I didn’t need to look back.

Most incredible person I met…Ruth, hands down. I felt so privileged to be able to work with such an incredible, yet down to earth woman. She is a single parent of two teenagers, and if you had told her a couple years ago that she would be founding this organization she would have laughed at you. Her life has been anything but easy, and if anyone had an excuse to be bitter and cling onto hurt from her past, it would be Ruth. Instead she is such a beautiful example of someone who lives by grace. Living in her house struck me as the most tangible example of what the church was meant to be.

Most beautiful thing… Besides the children, who would win by a long shot, the Indian Ocean. It was absolutely breathtaking.

Most frightening moment… Sleeping in the flat that I was supposed to live in, alone. Scariest thing ever, but maybe I’m just a chicken. Crime is such a part of life, Ruth and her kids were robbed at gun point only a year ago. Each night I would just put on my headphones to drown out any noise. I figured if I was going to die there was really nothing I could do about it, so I might as well sleep in ignorance. (I joke.) Needless to say I only lasted 4 nights after Anne left, and then moved into the main house.
What I missed the most about home…My friends and family. The first few days were hard, being in a country all by myself with people I didn’t know. However, the one benefit of being all by myself is I was really forced to go out of my comfort zone, and connect with all the people I was living with, and I soon felt a part of the family.

Something that I’ll never forget: Mary was very sick the third week I was there. I just wanted to wrap her up and hold her all day. She started crying before bed one night and I went to hold her and between sobs she said, “I love you so much.” That moment alone was worth traveling half way around the globe.

Most heartbreaking moment…I don’t even know how to describe to you how heartbreaking it is to watch a mother, who has only known cruelty and abandonment, try to raise and love a child. Maureen, who is living with Ruth to escape an abusive relationship, has a beautiful six month old baby, Kiley. Maureen loves Kiley, but when the baby cries, as all babies do, Maureen says things like, “See this baby doesn’t love me.” “She’s just like her father.” How can you comprehend love, when you’ve only felt abuse?
Chantel, who is Maureen’s cousin, came to live with us for a couple weeks with her two year old daughter Chinque. Chantel was abandoned, along with her five siblings, by her alcoholic mother. Now Chantel is a mother, who vows never to do what was done to her. I watched a two year old girl punch her mother in the face and tell her to f-off. I know that a child that young only imitates what she sees done. Chinque’s father beats Chantel. Most of all, I will never forget the look in Chinque’s eyes when she saw her mother break down and cry. Chinque wrapped her small arms around her mother, as far as they would go, and patted her back. She stared up at her mother with such intense concern, and reached up to touch Chantel’s tear soaked face.

Hardest thing to adjust to… Racial division and prejudice. I was not prepared for how deeply rooted prejudice and hatred is in this country. I was naïve, and thought most of that had been worked out. Ruth faces difficulties from all sides. If I would walk down the street with a black child in my arms I would notice people giving me very nasty looks. A lot of this comes from the Afrikaans people, a mixture of Dutch and German heritage, who are especially racist. They do not like to see black children being a part of the white more privileged way of life. Chantel, the first night she was with us, sincerely asked Ruth, “Isn’t it a bit like raising baby gorillas?”
On the other hand some African Zulu people will disapprove of Ruth as well, disturbed at seeing a white woman with black children. Obviously there is concern about these children being taken from their culture and heritage. Ruth very genuinely says though, she would love for these children to be with a Zulu family, and in a place where they can experience that culture, but she knows first hand how hard it is to find any family who can take in an extra child. She loves these children, who have come into her home unwanted.
These challenges made me respect Ruth so much more, she is doing such incredible work, despite obvious voices of criticism. It was also very encouraging to see people, like Ruth, in her church and elsewhere that were truly living counterculture and reaching out in love. The idea of grace is so revolutionary in a country that is so riddled with hatred, which is passed from generation to generation, and that in turn puts the church in an amazing position.
There was a Zulu girl, about my age, who worked at the neighbors house as nanny taking care of the white children, she was named Maria. I loved that. One of my favourite things to do was to go to the park with the kids. I’d pass all the black nannies and maids taking care of white children, with Simon and Siya walking with me, and Mary and Jake in the buggy. I just loved being able to make a simple statement, even though I am so small..

Something I did not expect to learn…How the simplest faith becomes something extraordinary when you just decide to act on it. Faith grows very stagnant when all we do is write and think and talk. Our faith is one of action.

Favourite thing to do with the kids…Read to them. I can’t help it, I’m an English major. My mom packed up some of my favourite childhood books and I was able to read them to my kids. There favourite thing was when I switched the characters names to their own. They loved it, and I loved it when they would say, “Read Mary’s story!” or “Where’s the Siya story?”

What I’ll miss the most…Everything. I am unbelievably excited about what Ruth is doing, and plan to be involved in any way I can back here in Canada, by raising awareness, support and recruiting volunteers. Maureen was saying how much she was going to miss me, and Ruth said, “Oh don’t worry . She’ll be back. They all come back.” That is something that really stood out to me. All of Ruth’s volunteers come back again and again, and I think that in itself speaks volumes. Speaking of volunteers…Ruth is in desperate need of them. Let me say you will not regret it! All you need is a plane ticket. Don’t worry if you feel unqualified or unprepared or completely useless …you’ll be just perfect. It was Mother Theresa who said, “I am convinced that when I’m gone, if God finds a person more ignorant and useless than I, he will do greater things though that person because its his doing.” Find an excuse to go.

will i judge you?


…And somewhere out there is a woman wandering,
And here I stand, looking into nothing- wondering…

Was she drunk? Was she stoned? Did she really not care?
When she walked away and left the tiny body lying there.
Was she too sick to comprehend? Was it just another mouth to feed?…

How far is it along the way until life has no more meaning?
How steep the path that tumbles to an emotionless place -void of feeling
Have I been to that place of lonliness, terror and fear?
A tast of blood and salt and a society that chooses not to hear?

I think not–And so I cannot judge you

I will just enfold that which you have thrown away
And hope we both will understand - one day.

An exert of a poem written by Ruth Allison Grobler, the woman I was priveleged to know and work with in South Africa.

The babies..

There is probably no better way to give you a picture of my time in South Africa than introducing you to the four children that I spent my month with, and who completely stole my heart.


Mary Is an incredibly sassy little girl, told me flat out I wasn’t allowed to leave. Mary is going to be the next revolutionary…she will stand up to anyone or anything. Very often her sentences start with “Not.”: “Not coming to my happiest birthday!” and things like that. :) Ruth said, in her typically patient fashion, while Mary was throwing a temper tantrum, “Oh your going to give your husband a lot of trouble.” Too true. Mary is the brightest little girl I’ve met. She is not three years old and can keep up with anyone. She was found under a tree in a park still still attached to the placenta, and at six weeks old as her condition continued to deterioate, she was moved by welfare into Ruth’s care. Like all of Ruth’s children, it is really a miracle that she is alive today. I miss her hugs and kisses…and just having her in my arms. Leaving her was so hard. I walked into the house just before I was leaving and she was crying, telling Ruth she wanted to go to Canada too. Geez…how is a girl supposed to deal with that. I told her I would come back and visit her, so I have to keep my promise. :)

Siya is the mischief maker in the house, mostly because he’s brilliant, and won’t leave anything untouched or unexplored. Siyabonga, his full name, means thankyou. Siya was found abandoned on the street at the age of nine months, and is HIV positive. The child is on so much medication, but you would never know because he has enough energy to drive you utterly insane. I knew he was trouble from day one. The first day Stuart, a local guy who helps Ruth out, took Anne, the kids and I to get pizza. When Stuart got back in the car after picking up the pizza Siya told him, “Maria has said ugly things to us.” Little brat. :) And I love him to pieces. Siya has the most darling accent, and you get to hear lots of it, cause he never stops talking. One night Ruth (who is the most patient person on the planet) said, “Siya! Please just sit down and be quiet for five minuets!” Siya replied,” Mom I can’t, my brain just says, ‘Siya talk!’. Does your brain say, ‘Siya be quiet?!”

Simon is the first baby that Ruth adopted. His mother was HIV positive, but thankfully Simon is not. Simon has several special needs, and Ruth for awhile thought he had Prada Willi Syndrome (shout out to Tara..for all my Day Camp friends.), but the tests came back negative. He is a sweet boy, although he gets easily frustrated when he can’t keep up with the other kids. He loves spider man! and if he is ever cross with you he’ll make spider man hands and spitting noises at you. He absolutely loves his mother! No one can compete.

Jake is a complete clown, and although not the youngest is definitly the baby of the family. He came to Ruth when he was nine months old, but she said he looked like a newborn baby, a skeleton draped in skin and couldn’t even hold his head up. He is HIV positive, but is doing well. He is the cutest little boy, who loves to run and has the chubbiest little belly. Jake is a nervous child, and hates butterflies, he’ll cry if he sees one. He has the most priceless facial expressions and loves to make people laugh. He has the sweetest disposition.

Home Again.

Well I’m home. I’ve traveled for 33 hours straight, and now I’m updating my long neglected blog.
How hardcore am I?
I have interent now! Horray…which means I can start writing down all those stories and memories that I wanted to share with you so badly during my trip.
I can’t believe I’m home, well…at least most of me is home. I’m pretty sure I left a piece of myself in South Africa (which I need to go back and get very soon!!) and my luggage is still traveling the globe…
Now…to sleep.
Stories and pictures to come.
Thanks for all your prayers.

A smile in the sky.

Its been storming for the last couple days. I’m cold! in Africa. Today I walked out the front door and saw the most amazing rainbow across the stormy sky. I ran and got all the kids to see. One of them said, “there is a smile in the sky.”

Some thoughts from Durban, South Africa

There are so many things I’d like to capture in words, and only a few minutes to write, so these random and most likely coherent thoughts are all I’ve got. I hope you enjoy them. :)

- I have so many mixed feelings throughout the day. I’m surrounded by the most beautiful city, but face the reality of poverty and crime no matter where I go. I miss my family and friends and my bed so very much, and yet I know that when I leave (in less than two weeks!!) I’m going to be so torn apart.

- Sometimes I just want to go crazy. :) For example: I’m sleeping on a couch in the living room for safety reasons, and my nights often go as follows: Teenagers watching TV til 10, six month old baby cries from 12-3 a.m., Jake and Mary wake up around 5 a.m. and come jump on me and I’m up and at it by 7 a.m It is a these moments that I want to die. :)

- Then the sweetest things happen and I wonder how I’m ever going to leave. Jake wanders half asleep down the hall at 4 a.m. and crawls into bed with me in the morning. He’s so precious!! I keep trying to get a photo that captures this little boys smile. I think I’ve finally got one that at least does it half justice.

- I think I must be getting a tan. Little Siya told me yesterday, “Look! You’re getting brown like me.” haha. I love it.

- Mary is so bright! I can’t believe she’s less than 3 years old! She is certainly coming home in my suitcase, although Katie Depooter informed me that customs checks especially for people smuggling cute little children out of the country. DARN.

- This thought occurred to me. I think each one of us needs to live with the poor, to see them on our street corners, in our neighborhoods. We need to look them in the eyes everyday. We need them to remind us that we have failed. We have failed to love how Christ has called us to.

- This household is so crazy to live in. Ruth and her two teenage children (and let me just say…thirteen year old girls seem to be universally similiar :) Maureen and her six month old baby. Maureen is thirty, and Ruth’s neice who has lived on the street most of her life, and has seen it all I think. She has a six month old baby and has been living here ever since her boyfriend started beating her enough to put her life in danger. And then Siya, Jake, Mary and Simon, all young children who would all most likely not be alive today if it weren’t for Ruth. Each one has their own special needs issues, and each one of them is so precious!! Let me tell you, its chaos here, but I know when I’m back in Sarnia, sleeping in peace and quiet, I’m not going to know what to do with myself.

- I need to send the biggest of THANKYOUs to Sarah Hayes. My sweetest little housemate who wrote me notes and cards for almost all of my days spent so far away from my friends and family.

- Oh yes! I’ve been 5 feet away from a giraffe. Amazing. And Stuart (a guy who helps Ruth out from time to time) took Anne and I diving before she left. I say a flipping octopus and eel and dolphins. I am the bravest ever just so you all know. ;) My first day here I witnessed a shark disection. Durban is famous for shark attacks, as well as their revolutionary shark protection program. (Some of you know the significance this holds for me…as sharks are one of my most ridiculous and greatest fears. I can’t even swim in Lake Huron without
fearing for my life…so see! your prayers work.)

I think this is all I have time to say right now. “Shame” (as they say here in South Africa.) I have so much more to say, but I’ll have to bottle it up for now. I’ll be writing for months I feel. :) Thanks all for your continued prayers. They travel far.

Update #2

Hello all.

I’m neglecting all e-mails to try and post a little update for you all. :)

Thanks so much for you prayers, I know they must be working.

Life is busy here, but I’m adjusting and coping and ussually having a great time. There is always something happening in a small home of four preschoolers, two mothers, a young baby, two teenagers, myself and a dog. I’ve gone from a university student going to bed at 2 a.m if not later, to a mother of preschoolers who wants to sleep by seven o’clock, if not earlier. What an experience.

I work with Mary and Jake (three years old) most mornings, while Siya and Simon (four years old) are at school. The past couple days all four of been home all day, since they’ve been on holidays…what a test of my patience.) However, I wouldn’t trade this experinece for the world. I also have a whole new respect for mothers. My gosh.

I find it hard being here on my own, without friends, family or other support connections. Whenever I’m frustrated or tired I just think, I didn’t come here for a vacation, I came here to serve. And I’m trusting that God will meet me there. I’ve also developed some good coping methods:

-listening to music as I fall asleep and wake up
-praying very hard
-reminding myself i’m IN AFRICA :):)
-reading quotes by Mother Theresa when I feel less then benevolent. :) (Thanks Pastor Aaron.)

I went to Ruth’s church on Sunday. The pastor said in his sermon, “shit..just go. Make an excuse to go, rather than an excuse not to go.” It was good to get a reminder about why the heck i’m half way around the world all alone taking care of screaming babies. Even among strangers something about a good church, it always feels like home. It seems that these people, although afluent and white really have a heart for the poor around them, and that was nice to see. The atrium of the church looks out on a beautiful view of the Indian Ocean. That is the one thing about Durban, it is breathtakingly beautiful.

The children have really captured my heart, even on their bad days. I think Jake and Siya who both have HIV also have fetal alcohol syndrome, at least it seems very likely. But they are both sweet and I enjoy the challenge of trying to work with them.

My most urgent pray request would be for Ruth as she tries to finalize the plans to build her facilities that would allow her dream for this ministry to begin to come true. She also REALLY needs a volunteer to show up after I leave, because there will be no one for the kids after I go. She said they will be so lost. Also pray that I would have peace of mind as I sleep at night, I’m alone in an apartment serparate from the house and its a little nerve racking.

Alright. I’m signing off. I hope I have the opportunity to write more soon. I rarely have the opportunity, and when I do I just don’t know what to say, I have so much I could. I’m sure I’ll write lots once I’m back in Canada, and missing my babies. :) Hope to write more soon.